keeping myself ZEN .

uhh another day of being myself . everything has been up and down ever since we move . yeah in the beginning me and alex were fine and going great while me and my mom was a hell storm to me . now that things are sorta getting better with my mom , things with alex is crap . she has been ignorng me and just doesn`t want me alive as if . things with dad is usual , him and his brainless mind man ! boys.. right LOL . so i`ve been pretty stressed , VBS pops out at me and im rushing everything . but people tend to do well when they are rushed so i guess im doing alright . things at home are never usual . me alone , alex mad , mom mad at dad , dad + tv . whatta normal family right .. i know -.- things with shawn seem to be not as bad as i thought . i thought the whole moving would really take a toll on our " daoughter and father " relationship you know , but really i`ve never felt so close with him . he`s always ears for me when i needa let out whats on my mind . will things get better this summer , i honestly thought this summer was gonna be better but it has been pretty much crap. will things with me and alex get better .. only god knows . but i feel god has been playing a big part in my life atm. yeah im sorry god for not being the good child or sheep ? LOL . i know i cuss and stuff , cos i have no where to express anger . but now i found blogging a really good way .. anyways back to what i was saying LOL .. GOD (A) .. i was extremly down this week , becos my mom would get mad at with everything in the house , when something goes wrong .. BAM its me to blame . i know i screw up and all , but doesn`t everyone ? i try to live day by day . i know i`ve been keeping bad thoguhts in my head but god somehows sends the right person to comfort me when i feel those moments. and when i feel like i have nowhere else to turn to .. god shows me a place where i can be just fine .. CHURCH . he made me not become a quitter .. i was gonna give up volunteering at vbs but then he got someone to email me and get me right back on track . imma do my volunteer hours this yr and next few years work , make money , get car , soon move to LA BAABY <3